He told me, He told you.

Convictions, we've all got them. That place where we draw the line. Our own personal belief about right and wrong. Those little (or big) issues where the Lord tells us, "no-no."

Convictions are a tricky thing. They can be so deep rooted that they are literally at the core of who we are, what makes us tick, what makes us, us. And we'd like everyone else to be like us too. Wouldn't we? Be honest. How much simpler would your life be if everyone agreed with you? Mine would be great. No more trying to get people to see my side of things, they'd already be there. Whew! What a time saver!

Isn't it easy to take the very things the Lord nudges us about (yes, nudges, He's kind like that) and use them to preach or dare I say it? berate those that don't feel and believe the same.

He told me, so, He told you. Or did He?

There was a person who was convicted not to drink coffee. Is coffee a sin? No. Is being addicted to anything a sin? Probably. So this person came home and told her family they were no longer to drink coffee. The befuddled family wanted to be honoring so they all stopped their coffee consumption. Until one day it clicked, 'Wait, the Lord didn't tell us not to drink coffee. He told you not to drink coffee. This is not His issue with us.' The Lord told her, not them.

Think about this:

Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

OK. So those of us that are parents know this one by heart right? What if we thought about this verse in the perspective of God being our parent, our heavenly Father? And what if, God was training up each of His kids in the way THEY should go. Them personally. Just them. On a journey He designed with them in mind. With a plan and a purpose for them to accomplish for His Kingdom. Interesting... 

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that we each have a different plan and purpose to fulfill. I'm not splitting hairs here. I know the big picture of what we're meant for. I'm talking about the path to fulfilling that big picture. What that journey looks like for us. What He's saying to us along the way. No two of us are alike.

And if that's the case then perhaps no two convictions are alike. I'm not talking about clear cut Bible defined sin here people. I'm talking about gray areas. Areas open to human perspective and interpretation. All those areas we'd like others to agree with us on. Back us up. Be like us.

I know it's got me thinking. Examining that if I'm so bugged by the fact that people try and push their convictions off on one another, that some will tell you to your face you are wrong for not believing and thinking the same, that it means I've probably been doing the same thing. Maybe not in an "in your face" kind of way. But the more subversive ways. The heart attitudes, the way I judge, the way I think about how others approach life.

How about this passage from The Message:

Matthew 7  "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor."

Yikes. I'm challenged just reading that. The words "just living your part" seem to jump off the page at me. Wow. There's a sermon in there somewhere. I'm challenged to improve the measure of grace I give out. Challenged to accept that my convictions are between the Lord and I and He has me just where He wants me. As long as I'm obeying Him, we're good. And I'm challenged to leave you to your journey with Him. 

Doesn't mean I'm not up for a discussion with you. Doesn't mean I won't offer my opinion. But I'll leave the convicting to the Lord.

Fences vs. Walls

It has been creeping up on me for a while now. This season. This moment in my life. I have been feeling the shift but it wasn't until today that I full recognized what was going on. And gave myself permission to let it happen.

I've been putting up fences. Not walls. Fences.

I'm in a time when I'm pulling back and paring down. Being careful with who I let in to our family and our journey. And re-focusing on family. Cause family matters.

As this has been creeping up I've struggled with the way I've been feeling. I've worried about walls. And putting my guard up. And closing myself off.

And then I spent some time thinking about this, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23

Usually I've applied this scripture to situations in my life where there would be potential for bitterness or offense. However, the more I think about it, the more I think it applies to all affairs of the heart. Protect your heart. Guard your heart. Take care of your heart.

Of course taking care of your heart can't involve closing it off. So I'm not using this verse as an excuse to do that.

I think it's obvious God wants us to protect our hearts. And that means being careful with what we do with them. And who we allow to access them. And as a mom, that means I watch over my kids hearts too.

This is the fact that helped me realize I wasn't putting up walls, and allowed myself permission to put up fences; I'm still letting people in. Even making new friendships and deepening those I've already got. But I'm being cautious. And cautious is alright. 

Fences are borders and boundaries. Light comes in. A breeze flows through. Fences tell people where they can be and can't be. A wall shuts people off. I don't want walls in my life. I'm sure you don't want them in yours. They're also a lot harder to take down.

So, I think I'm alright with my fences for the moment. I'm going to spend some more time thinking about Proverbs 4:23 and just what God is saying to me and our family in this moment.

It's a journey after all. And this is just a tiny part of mine.

Consequences, Forgiveness, Grace & other challenging issues...

Let me dive right in. I don't do well doling out consequences to my children. In fact, even if I give them I do even worse at STICKING with them. And I'm a stubborn gal. So this isn't about lack of will here people.

I get hung up on the grace issue. On where is the line between grace and consequences. Where is the room for the proverbial "second chance"?

Every time I get ready to lay down the law of the land and my 7 year old looks at me begging for a second chance I begin to waiver. And my internal dialogue goes something like this, "God gave me a second chance, heck he gave me a 100th chance, shouldn't I extend the same grace to my children?"

The Lord sooooo (I could add more o's if it would further emphasize my point) lavished His grace and forgiveness upon me that it has changed me forever. I'm talking about at a point in my life when the ground could have opened up and swallowed me because of my sin. He met me there, forgave, washed,  made new, redeemed, restored...THE WORKS.

So when it comes time to give the consequence I baulk. Shouldn't I lavish that same forgiveness on my little ones? I train, I correct, I coach and coax but I rarely consequence.

Someone wise told me once, "When Jesus died on the cross He paid the price for your sin and the consequences that came with it." That's stuck with me. Doesn't mean we willfully choose to walk in sin because of the grace given. That cheapens the price paid. Literally a slap in the face of Someone who gave His own son.

And no, I'm not training my kids to run all over me. They're not "playing me". And I'm definitely not perfect in this area. In fact, there are those that may argue I extend too much grace. I know the way I'm doing things varies greatly from the way I was raised.

I don't know. This is feeling right to me. But I want to walk down the middle of this thing and not swing too far to the left or right. Incidentally the flip side of my current position is where I started my parenting journey. Poor first born child of mine. So all that to say I know it's important to not be so overboard in one direction or the other. It's a balance.

And I'm open to feedback. Have any?

Status Update

Today I unsubscribed from someone's newsfeed. I didn't de-friend but I just chose to hide the persons' status updates.

Why? Because they were offensive. Not really to me. But to my pride. There was a post with some words that I thought others would read and be offended by. I thought they'd start saying things like: "Why is she friends with her?" "Does she think it's ok to talk like that?"

Love that fear of man/need for mans approval thing that creeps in every now and then. Yuck!

So I unsubscribed and went to wash my dishes. And as I washed the dishes my heart got washed by God.

This thought immediately came to me: when was Jesus ever embarrassed by who He hung out with? When did you see Him making excuses for the way the sinners talked? When did He require immediate perfection from those that chose to follow Him?

None of that's in my Bible. 

Here's what is. Mark 2:16 "And when the...Pharisees saw him eat with...sinners, they said unto his disciples, How is it that he eats and drinks with sinners?

Mark 2:17 "When Jesus heard it, he said to them, they that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but the sinners to repentance."

Then I was convicted and went on thinking that what if by unsubscribing I miss out on an opportunity to love? If there would ever be a cry for help or a question asked that I could respond to and reach out with love. What if I miss that? What if because I don't want to offend the other people on my "wall" or have them thinking less of me than I'd like them to I miss the chance to be like Jesus to this person?

Ouch.

So I'll be going now. I have some re-subscribing to do. 

And last I checked, I didn't have any Pharisees for friends anyway.

Random Thoughts

• Our cat is a picky eater. This drives me nuts because I don't even let my kids be picky eaters. And I'm talking seriously picky. As in, I'm not going to eat ever again if you keep offering me that food.

• People who wear workout clothes all the time amuse me. I mean they wear them to church, to the store, out to run errands and go shopping. What are they trying to say? I'm busy! I'm exercising! I exercise everywhere I go! It cracks me up.

• I saw a catalog last night and was noticing the weird way the models pursed their lips in all the pictures. I tried it. I can't do it. My lips come out looking like a cross between Elvis and a person with a severely diminished mental capacity. There goes that career option!

• I saw a bra that cost 2.5 million dollars. Wowser! My first thought was what a waste that would be to own a jewelry encrusted undergarment that you could never show off. So I'm just gonna spend my money elsewhere.

• There is currently a commercial advertising a Christian dating service. The commercial irritates the heck out of me. It says "sometimes we're waiting for God to move when He's saying it's our turn to take the first move." Bogus.

• That is all.

Mostly a Martha

As much as it gives me no great pleasure to say this...I've discovered that I'm mostly a Martha about things. You know the one in the Bible? All work and no play? That's mostly me. I spend a lot more time doing than just being.


I was thinking about it last night. There's this personality test that has me all wigged out because I can't figure out what I am. No joke. Except I do have this part figured out, the two times I've taken the test (oh yes, you read that right. And I'm about to try it a 3rd time cause I think it's still wrong. I'm that ridiculous!) there was a tag line that says, "You liked to be recognized for what you do." I guess I do.


But not like over the top praise. No plaque. No parade. Nothing fancy. I just want genuine acknowledgement that I am a hard worker. That I rock the house when it comes to getting things done. When it comes to multi-tasking I am a master. When my husband goes out of town for two weeks back to back and I've:


home-schooledbabysatbeensickworkedtaughtcateredfoodcookedcleanedtakenfieldtrips


I want a "Wow, you are one awesome woman to have done all that!"


Cause I am. =)


Anyway, I'm proud of that part of me. But I want to work on the other part too. I really do long to be a worshiper. Really, I already am a worshipper. When I'm in the middle of it I never want it to stop. The music is on and my heart is about to burst with love for who He is and what He's done. It just seems I don't get there often enough.


When I set aside the time it's worth it. Julie Meyer's conference gave me that chance a few weeks back. That was an intentional setting aside of time to be a Mary. To sit at His feet. I find it takes planning on my part. I'm not exactly Ms. Spontaneity when it comes to much of anything in my life so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.


I plan to plan (haha!) more time in His presence. I'm gonna practice up on my Mary skills. Because being busy is not all that I'm about. And it's definitely not what I want to be the most notable part of my life.


Time for a little adjustment for this mostly Martha.

No Man Is An Island

Funny how we can think we're the only one going through something. I think it's easy to get locked in to that mentality. It's only me. No one else could possibly know what my life is like. Everyone else has got it going on but my life is falling apart. It's easy to think those kind of thoughts. I certainly know I've thought them before.

But the more I've taken the risk, opened up, shared with a friend or two a little peak into my life the more I'm pleasantly surprised to find I'm not the only one. It's refreshing. It's connecting. It's encouraging.

But there's that pesky little risk word. The weight of which involves being honest, being humble, letting the not so pretty parts of our lives be a little more known to those around us. Why aren't we doing more of that? Fear. Fear of rejection. Fear that we are the only one. That no one will get it. That we'll be the freaky friend with the weirdo problems. Nobody wants to be a weirdo.

Without being all super duper spiritual I think it's really the devil's plan to make us feel alone. To be isolated. What better way to keep us stuck where we're at? What better way to make us feel like losers.

I dare you to take the risk. Put it all out there. If you don't want to put it all out there put a little bit out there. I bet you find someone who gets it. Actually, I bet you find a ton of people who get it. You won't be as weird as you thought you were. Your problems won't be nearly as off the wall as they seemed.

Chances are you're going to hear something like this:

Financial difficulties? Sure.

Marriage ever gone through a rough patch? Yip.

Sex life not all it's cracked up to be? Uhuh.

Kids not exactly behaving as you'd like? You betcha.

Wish you were in better shape? Join the club.

Talk to a friend. Talk to 10 friends. You'll be glad you did.