To wave or not to wave?

I've been in the middle of something for a month or so now that has me wavering daily between waving the white flag of surrender or sticking to my guns. Sometimes my thoughts fluctuate as often as every hour as to what my decision will be. And it's exhausting. Really.

Probably more than half the battle is the one I wage within myself. Knowing that if I "gave in" & "gave up" things would probably be SO MUCH easier - for the moment. But knowing also that by giving up and giving in I'd eventually be right back to resenting the very thing I gave in to.

Ahhhh...what a double-edged sword.

So I'm learning some about boundaries. Boundaries: is it a dirty word? Sometimes it can feel that way, especially to those who would fall into the boundary hater category. Being somewhat new to the boundary idea it's no picnic for the one setting the boundary either. Sticking it out when giving in seems easier. Feeling this ridiculous feeling that I've come to know as "good guilt". It goes like: "this is my decision and I'm sorry if you don't like it, but it's still my decision."

So when I'm on the fence about reaching for my white flag I usually reach out. To God who always gives wisdom when we ask and to a few close people that I know will tell me what I need to hear. And then I shove the white flag into my back pocket for a while longer.

I'd rather not waiver. I'd rather not even have to decide between the two options. Frankly, I'd probably rather run and hide. I'm human so there it is. Sometimes I just wish it was easier.