Favor, never a bad thing

courtesy of freedigitalpics.com/m_bartosch

Favor. It's pretty cool thing. My kids have been experiencing a lot of it lately. They've been finding money on the ground wherever they go. They've been handed money. We were in line at St*rbucks and this kind elderly gentleman tapped me on the shoulder and said, "I think your kids must have dropped these." He had two shiny quarters in his hand. They were thrilled.

Their grandma took them out for slushies the other day and Manny mentioned how he wished he could get a size larger than small. WALA! He got upsized to a medium just like that. His eyes about popped out of their sockets. We had an awesome conversation about "you have not because you ask not." I think that principle is going to stick with him for the rest of his life. It's amazing what a point a medium slushie can drive home.

I love seeing them blessed. And I love pouring in to them that favor is theirs for the asking. That Jesus loves to give good gifts to His kids. And I LOVE LOVE that with each blessing they receive they're turning around and being a blessing themselves in return.

It's a proud mom moment when it all comes together, even just for a moment.

To wave or not to wave?

I've been in the middle of something for a month or so now that has me wavering daily between waving the white flag of surrender or sticking to my guns. Sometimes my thoughts fluctuate as often as every hour as to what my decision will be. And it's exhausting. Really.

Probably more than half the battle is the one I wage within myself. Knowing that if I "gave in" & "gave up" things would probably be SO MUCH easier - for the moment. But knowing also that by giving up and giving in I'd eventually be right back to resenting the very thing I gave in to.

Ahhhh...what a double-edged sword.

So I'm learning some about boundaries. Boundaries: is it a dirty word? Sometimes it can feel that way, especially to those who would fall into the boundary hater category. Being somewhat new to the boundary idea it's no picnic for the one setting the boundary either. Sticking it out when giving in seems easier. Feeling this ridiculous feeling that I've come to know as "good guilt". It goes like: "this is my decision and I'm sorry if you don't like it, but it's still my decision."

So when I'm on the fence about reaching for my white flag I usually reach out. To God who always gives wisdom when we ask and to a few close people that I know will tell me what I need to hear. And then I shove the white flag into my back pocket for a while longer.

I'd rather not waiver. I'd rather not even have to decide between the two options. Frankly, I'd probably rather run and hide. I'm human so there it is. Sometimes I just wish it was easier.

Things my children say that make me laugh (when they're not looking of course!)

Love these two!

• Whenever Manny is dressed up like a cowboy he will walk through a room, tip his red hat and say, "beggin' ma pardon" (instead of begging your pardon!) This totally cracks me up. Oh, and he says it with a southern drawl.

• Belle says "bre-fix" instead of breakfast. She has always said this. And she has tried to correct herself numerous times. She simply cannot say it correctly. And so last we spoke of it (cause it makes me laugh) she said that she will always say it, her husband is going to have to say it and her children are going to be taught to say it that way too! That her children will line up in the morning and say "mom, feed us bre-fix!" tee-hee

• Whenever the kids see something inappropriate, and this truly could be anything, a babies bottom on a lotion commercial, a picture of a bloody finger on a band-aid ad - this is what they say; Manny: "That's any-propriate" Belle: "That's dis-apropriate" Lol, it's making me chuckle as I type.

• When Manny is "bothering" Belle she will say, "Manny is ag-gra-tating me!" I love this word. A perfect mix of irritating and aggravating. Which is EXACTLY what Manny does to Belle from time to time. I personally think this word should be in the dictionary.

• Belle also says bap-a-tize instead of baptize. She said it when she was getting baptized at church. "Hey grandma, I'm getting bapatized tomorrow." She said it the other day when she and Manny were learning about the Jordan River. "That's the river Jesus was bapatized in." I was in the kitchen washing dishes, and snickering.

• And they both say, ALL the time, literally. But they say it like this, lit-early. "We lit-early were going 100 miles per hour down the slide mom. Again, I'm laughing"

Ah those funny kids! I could correct them on how to say these words properly. Sometimes I do. But mostly, I just let them go. Because they're not going to be kids for long.

If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.

OK - I am so not talking about romantic love here. On that front I stand that love is a choice and it has to be chosen everyday. Especially if you've been married any length of time past one year. Just sayin'...

Moving on. I'm talking about my life. It's not exactly what I would have chosen. Some parts of it are; lots of parts of it are not. My dreams had me somewhere between traveling all over Asia with a backpack and a camera and working in an awesome high-rise in some big city. Nicely enough I've done both those things already. They were fun. Maybe I'll get a chance to do them again some day.

Also on the top of my dream list were the two wonderful children I have. In the order I had them. Girl. Boy. Love it! I have some dreams of others coming in to our family from some different nations but that's a dream for another day.

I have enough dreams for myself that I'm going to need several lifetimes to live them all out. I'm reminding myself of my dear friend Selma with all this dream talk. That's ok. I like her.

The parts of my life that don't exactly sync up with the dreams I've dreamed? Not important. And this I realized as I was looking out a doctors office window today at a beautiful tree blowing in the spring breeze. And I realized I'm happy. And that it's that simple. I can choose to be happy, but a lot of times it doesn't even feel like a hard choice. I just AM happy. And I let the little things make me happy. Pretty trees. A great view. Laughing kids. A good worship song. Baking cookies at midnight. Whatever.

I'm happy with the parts of the dreams that came true. I'm happy with the other parts that I know are still on the way. And I'm excited about the dreams I haven't even had a chance to dream yet.

I'm glad to be living this time in my life. There are definitely things I'm not happy about. Even dreams I've had to grieve over and lay to rest (at least for now). There were some rose colored glasses I had to take off. I give myself permission to be happy about things, about life! even though it isn't exactly what I had planned. I'm not going to delay my happiness just because everything isn't all sorted out just right. Just because I don't see things working out the way I thought they should/would.

The bottom line is: it's good to be happy with where you're at (not just talking physical location here). Especially if you know God has you there for a reason.

Flowers and missions - can they co-exist?

I planted flowers today. We have this one embankment that's hard to mow in the front of our house. I had this idea of planting a bunch of flowers along it. Driving around these last few weeks you can't help but notice all the tulips, hyacinths and daffodils springing up. Since this is the first spring we've spent in this home I wasn't sure what was going to pop up around here but no flowers have made an appearance. So I went shopping.

I had a coupon for a free six pack of annuals from a local place. And I was given a few flowers for being part of Mom's in Action. And then today I happened upon a deal at a local grocery store where big pots of tulips, hyacinths and Easter lilies were .99 each. AWESOME!

So a-planting I went. And it looks great. And I was just in the middle of looking at my work and thinking how great it looked when this thought hit me, "People in other countries don't plant flowers. They can't afford flowers. You're throwing away money on flowers! What a luxury you're treating yourself to."

I'm familiar with this thought. It comes to me all the time. When I'm buying something so frivolous as a throw pillow...when I want new living room furniture (our current and only set we've ever purchased is 9 years old)...when I pay someone to color my hair...when I think about dance or sports lessons for the kids. It's always there.

And I don't always know what to do with it. I sort of treat it as a little check and balance for myself. But. BUT. There's this guilt thing that comes with it. And I don't think that is a good thing. When it steals joy from the moment and I end up feeling condemned. Not the Father's heart. For sure.

Then I rationalize it away. I think about how many missionaries we support faithfully on a monthly basis. I'm so proud of that! So honored to be a part of what they're doing in the Nations. And I'm sowing in to people sowing in to us and our mission work.

Still it lingers. All the time. In grocery stores, clothing stores, flower stores. Maybe it's a product of growing up a missionary kid. Seeing what others do without. But also, and really this is the part I like about "the thought", it puts things in perspective. Sometimes those just-have-to-have-it-do-it-right-now items fall by the way side. They're not so important after all. I can do without them.

I'm not so sure what I think about my thought. Guess I've still got some thinking to do.

In Honor of Warmer Weather...this reminds me of all things good...

Evening Hymn

Come to the sunset tree,

The day is past and gone;

The woodman's ax lies free,

And the reaper's work is done;

The twilight star to heaven,

And the summer dew to flowers,

And rest to us is given,

By the soft evening hours.

Sweet is the hour of rest,

Pleasant the woods low sigh,

And the gleaming of the west,

And the turf whereon we lie,

When the burden and the heat

Of the laborer's task is o'er,

And kindly voices greet

The tired one at the door.

Yes, tuneful is the sound

That dwells in whispering boughs:

Welcome the freshness round,

And the gale that fans our brows;

But rest more sweet and still

Than ever the nightfall gave,

Our yearning hearts shall fill,

In the world beyond the grave.

There, shall no tempests blow,

Nor scorching noontide heat;

There, shall be no more snow,

No weary, wandering feet;

So we lift our trusting eyes

From the hills our fathers trod,

To the quiet of the skies,

To the Sabbath of our God.

- William Holmes McGuffey

Never Say Never...blah blah blah...

I've got a lot going on at the moment. Been busy. Really busy. And I'm not gonna deny that it's stretching me.

The funny thing about this being that I seem to be living out some sort of weird reality where I decide to do all the things I had previously said I would not be doing. It's very odd and I'm not sure exactly how it all happened. It sort of snuck up on me and BAM here I am doing things that had I been asked if I would be doing them 3 or so years ago I would have given a "no" answer and depending on the day could have gone so far as to say "h-e-double-hockey-sticks no". But here I am.

Homeschooling? Check

Homeschooling more than 1 child? Check

Involved in food prep for a women's ministry? Check

Involved in decorating for another women's ministry? Check

Raising my children in America? Check

Hanging out with women friends on a regular basis? Check

Being a part of children's ministry? Check

Being in charge of children's ministry? Check check

Wow - I just shocked myself by reading the list I wrote. And I'm sure there are things I've not got on there.

I have a sneaking suspicion this all started with a pesky little sermon some 2 years ago about taking open doors of ministry as a chance to pour out what you had received. I had just gone through an intense year of receiving ministry and healing and knew it was my time to "give back". A few thunderbolts and lightning claps later and I was working with the 3 year olds at church.

I'm not sure exactly what God is doing with me but He's doing something. And it's good. And I may not always enjoy it but it is always a challenge - and in a good way.

I heard an awesome woman speak on Tuesday (ok, it was my mom) about how even in the midst of being mothers we're called and capable of doing so much more. It was nice to hear a message that I felt like I was already in the process of walking out. It was confirmation that all these YES'S I've been saying lately have been right on track with where God's taking me.

Where's He taking you?